When the order of things matters A LOT (a.k.a. life with a rules-oriented toddler)

[aliki]

Asked Erika on Sunday what she wanted for breakfast, and she said oatmeal. She also said she had to help me make it.

So I stumble into the kitchen at 8 AM (when she woke me up), get a microwavable bowl, throw 1/4 cup of oatmeal in there that she passed to me, reached into the fridge, added some milk, then added some filtered water, and stuck it in the microwave.

Erika is shooting me a deadly glare mixed with utter horror. I'd imagine it'd be what my face would look like if I saw someone eating spiders (my worst fear) for breakfast who then expected me to try some.

The oatmeal cooks, the microwave beeps, I try to feed it to her and she will have none of it. 

Because I put the milk in first, then the water. And the way you're supposed to make oatmeal is put the oatmeal in first, then the water, then the milk, and then microwave it. So she refuses to eat the entire thing and acts like I just put the grossest meal in front of her, eewwww. 

This is just one example of countless events that happen in my life now that can result in Armageddon-level emotional meltdowns with a rules-oriented child.

- Whether you put the right shoe on her foot first, or the left.
- Whether you put your jacket on and then grab your purse, or the other way around.
- Whether you lock the car and then shut the car door, or shut the car door and then lock it.
- Whether you swipe your credit card and then bag the groceries, or the other way around.

The list goes on. All that happened in one day.

Comments

[zaplightsmusic.livejournal.com]

Reason #5972 why i'm not ready for kids: at this stage in my life, if a child did that to me, i'd probably sit down next to them, start wailing too, say "I'm sorry i stuffed it and did it in the wrong order! Life is so unfair!!!! I agree!!!!" even at the supermarket, which might get me scheduled or if it was my kid at least get DOCS (our version of child welfare) involved.

I hope this stage passes quickly for you, or you can get her out of it, or something!

[aliki.livejournal.com]

No, I did not redo the oatmeal for her. I just gave her *the you're-being-unreasonable-look*, said "it's still the same oatmeal", and left it there. She ended up eating it (cold, at that point), but I don't always entertain her.

I just let her flip out. She calms down after a minute, but I don't give in!

[geminigirl]

Sounds very much like a toddler. I often ask Miriam what order we do things in just to make sure I do it right-and there's one book I refuse to read because I do it different from how Andrew does and it's meltdown worthy. Our bedtime/naptime routine, for example, always includes me asking her how we have "good nights"-and we start with ten kisses, followed by a hug, etc. It's the same order every day an every night, but I still ask, just to make sure.

[aliki.livejournal.com]

Oh, OK! I do think it's a toddler thing, because I've seen her play with other friends, and they each come up with their own set of rules of how the world works, and then have to figure out how to play with one another in each others' world...

[breakableheart.livejournal.com]

My friend Erin has a very rigidly rule oriented child. She's been that way since she was very small, which was great when she was a 9 month old sitting quietly on the counter while we made cookies, but a little difficult when it's a 6 year old needing to get in the car in the right order or put the right shoes with certain socks or whatever she's being rigid about at that moment. You will find some solutions Erika can grasp! It might take time but you can work her through the process. She'll do great in school, right?

[aliki.livejournal.com]

From the feedback I get from her teachers, she's definitely the most rules-oriented in her class, so she'll pipe up: "we forgot to do the ABC song today!" or "We need to wash hands before eating!" if the teachers forget a step. However, with working with such a large class, if they don't put her shoes on the way she wants, she doesn't get a do-over because there's 12 kids in line behind you, sorry. So she does recognize, even if she doesn't understand, that there must be flexibility in her patterns of behavior.

[filmstar.livejournal.com]

We have been through this (we are coming out of the other end -- maybe?). I feel for you.

[aliki.livejournal.com]

I can't wait!

[smittenbyu]

we are starting to notice this in D too. We realise only in hindsight as neither N nor I paid attention to the order of things!! ugghh... is going to be one rough ride!!

[aliki.livejournal.com]

LOL, right? Did you brush her teeth or give her a bath first? Did you lay out the forks on the table first, or the dishes? It never ends!

[ducks.livejournal.com]

Just commiseration here! My 3yo is still like this... My almost 6 yo is now much better because you can actually reason and explain things to him. Toddlers don't care much for reasoning. LOL.

[aliki.livejournal.com]

Oh, can't wait till she grows out of it!

[steforama.livejournal.com]

I am often told "Mommy? You just don't learn." Because of situations like this.

[aliki.livejournal.com]

Yup! We're the ones who are being unreasonable for not doing it a specific way every time!

[spacefem.livejournal.com]

Josie lost her mind because we had a bag of clementines, and I grabbed a few with a bowl to just peel and eat in the living room but ZOMG... "WE PEEL ORANGES IN THE SINK! HAVE TO PEEL IT IN THE SINK!" after that breakdown, the next day she was more okay with the idea that you get a bowl for the orange and a bowl for the peel and gradually got okay saying "I want an orange mama. Have to get two bowls."

I don't get it, why a kid who will, like, eat something out of the dogs mouth or want to go outside stark naked if I'd let her is so randomly obsessed with this dignified protocol... come to think of it, usually procedure matters most when it's something SHE is telling ME to do, not the other way around!