My Journal:

I flew to Malaysia about 10 days ago with my two girls. The 26-hour flight with one transit in Hong Kong was thankfully uneventful; Erika refused to sleep and watched lots of movies until she got on the second flight and just passed out while sitting up with the lights on and a movie playing; Amelia napped a bunch and was restless and attempted to kick the seat in front of her a whole bunch of times, but since I thwarted her attempts, she ended up just kicking me a lot and I have bruises to prove it. When we disembarked from both legs, multiple passengers in the nearby rows thanked me for my well-behaved kids, and Erika said very loudly "THANK YOU!" back at them and Amelia chimed in with a 'ANK YOO!

We landed on Tuesday night and the kids were extremely jet lagged. They ended up getting up at all odd hours of the night like 2 am and 4 am and wondering if it was time to get up and then upset that it was not. And then at 1 pm in the afternoon, they'd be so zonked out and non-functional. This lasted a few days and is horrid as their parent, because while working on my own jet lag, now I had to deal with their jet lag; so even when I was ready to sleep in the night, if they weren't, I had to be up too.

We had plane tickets to then fly to Singapore on Sunday after resting a few days, to see my extended family especially my 96-year old grandmother. But unfortunately she passed away on Saturday morning, a short 24 hours before I was scheduled to see her. I only get the chance to see her once a year, so the last time I saw her was August 2015. I was 24 hours too late to say goodbye to my grandmother; just like how I was too late to say goodbye to my own mother. The silver lining is that I was present for the 5-day wake and the funeral ceremonies. I started freaking out about small things like not having funeral clothes and nothing for the kids to wear; at Chinese funerals, we do not wear any bright colors, so we wear black, white, or gray; and the kids had NOTHING in those shades. So I had to run to the mall and try and find some, but every store appears to be vehemently against childrens clothing in those shades. (I miss New York and the classic black/gray tones, lol)

I was one of three cousins who gave her eulogy. My grandmother had three children, so one grandchild from each was chosen to speak: I spoke first (her daughter's first-born child), then my 26-year old cousin (her youngest son's oldest daughter), and then my 24-year old cousin (her middle child's youngest son). I sobbed hysterically and could barely get any words out. I told the story of how she always puts all of us first, and how we said we were going to go out to dinner for her birthday at her favorite restaurant, and she looked around the room and did a quick head-count and said "oh, I am not hungry tonight, you guys go ahead" and no amount of pleading could convince her. She went to her room and lay down, complaining of a headache; and luckily my uncle caught on to her, and said "hey, we are taking TWO cars to the restaurant, okay!" and she said "oh? We are? So there is enough seats? Okay, I'm coming! I do LOVE that restaurant!" That is how she lived her life. I was nowhere that eloquent because I mostly sobbed and blubbered at the podium and then cried my way back to my seat.

My cousin then spoke about how she was very loving and strong, and always talked about how "we girls never have to depend on a man" which is very modern-thinking for her times; and the third spoke about how she was always thinking of others and loved us so much. And I cried and cried and cried some more. She was cremated, and then we collected her ashes the next day, and scattered her into the sea.

I have no grandparents left.

Wednesday:
Erika had a dentist appointment in the morning and Amelia has been coughing miserably for 2+ months (took her to the doctors twice, and both times they sent us home, citing that "it's probably viral and will resolve itself shortly"), but for the last couple of days, it was getting so bad that she was gasping for air between coughing fits and having trouble sleeping/napping, so Brian had to take the day off from work to take Amelia to the pediatricians (turns out ear infection and a 10-day antibiotic treatement) and the dentist appointment, then to pick up his mom for Thanksgiving, and then I left work when school ended at 3 PM and picked up my sister from the train station when she traveled in by train from NYC.

Thursday:
My sister, my two girls, and I headed to the grocery store in the morning because yes, I've been so busy that I was unable to go grocery shopping for Thanksgiving. So here we were, making a trek to the store on Thanksgiving, to purchase potatoes, carrots, celery, stuffing, mushrooms, that sort of thing. Erika and Brian climbed onto the roof to get rid of the leaves in the gutters and scrape the moss off the roof shingles, which gave Brian's mom a near heart attack, watching her little granddaughter crab-walking around on the roof. Erika yelled down: "Oma [Grandma in German], you need to stop letting Fear be in control, and let Joy take over!" (Inside Out reference). We put the free 14-lb turkey in the oven at 11 AM because it said it would take 3-1/2 to 4 hours, but when we checked on it, it was cooked by 1 AM! So we laughed and scrambled and threw all the side dishes in the oven and on the stove, and whipped together Thanksgiving dinner as quick as possible, and we ate at 2 PM?!  We kept it simple and small, because it was just us 4 adults and 2 chidlren: sauteed aspargus, mashed potatoes, stuffed mushrooms, stuffing, and cranberry sauce. My mother-in-law brought $150 worth of Italian pastries, so it was quite an after-dinner feast. Brian then drove her home, while I put the girls to bed.

Friday:
We woke up on Black Friday and went to a U-Cut Christmas Tree Farm and walked around, looking for the perfect tree for this year. Erika had fun running between trees with the measuring tape, checking to see if it was less than 7 feet in height and 4 feet in diameter. Because yes, in past years, we've purchased too large of a tree that did not fit in our home, so this year, we measured our available space first. Amelia was not enthused... in fact, she plain refused to walk anywhere. We found a tree, Brian cut it down, we hauled it off onto the car, I started driving off, and when I was driving straight through an intersection, a car coming from the opposite direction turned left through the intersection and rammed head-on into us. I slammed on the brakes as hard as I could and honkedm my horn, but the innertia of 5 passengers and a Christmas tree on my roof meant I was not stopping. I did slow down enough that it was a minor fender bender, and we both drivers hopped out of our respective cars to inspect our damage and then pull over on the shoulder when I realized it was a pretty big hit. Brian called the cops and I got out of the car, the other driver was a Russian grandmother who started screaming "what are you doing?! It was my right of way! it was my right!" and when I told her I'd called the cops to settle this, she went back to her car, talked to the passenger (her teenage granddaughter who was upset and told me she needed to get to a birthday party), and then she tried to pay me off, saying "we in hurry, need to go now, ok? How much you want? It not so bad, ya?" And I said "no, police coming". The police showed up within 3 minutes, interviewed her first, then me, and as I was explaining what happened, she kept yelling "see? My right! She knock me! My right, I go left!" and the cop stopped her to say: "No, ma'am, it was NOT your right of way. If she's [pointing at me] is going straight through the intersection, you have to yield to her." And she stopped and looked so shocked and could not comprehend this idea, she just kept saying "no, I was going left. She ran into me! It is my right to go!" Everyone was fine. My sister was really shaken and said she is never driving a car again. (She wasn't the driver, but she recently got her license at 33 years old, and rarely uses it, since she lives in NYC). After lunch, we went to the library for some arts and crafts. We had turkey casserole (turkey thigh, spinach, brocoli, penne pasta, in a cream sauce, baked with mozzarella cheese and chopped bacon on top) for dinner.

Saturday:
We spent the morning getting the lights on the Christmas tree, which got both girls very, very excited. I had purchased three tickets for my sister, Erika, and I to go see Disney Live! at a theater, that featured three short musicals (Cinderella, Snow White, and Beauty & The Beast). We had balcony seats for $25 a seat, and it was a 2-hour show. Erika was enthralled and felt like this was such a special treat; us "grown up girls" going to a show! As we walked back to the car in the drizzling rain, she gave us critical review of which show had the best costume, which actress/actor had the best performance, etc. A lot of kids were still of the age where they believed the real princess was on stage, and Erika certainly felt that way at 4 years old when we went to DisneyWorld Orlando, but for some reason, when we watched them on the stage, she said "it was a show" and that "they were not real princesses, just acctresses playing a role". So that was interesting. A friend messaged us at night to see if we wanted to grab dinned together, so we said yes, and headed to a Chinese restaurant that neither of us had tried before, but it was amazing! Authentic Shanghainese food, hole-in-the-wall type location, but every of the ten tables were taken at 5:30 PM.

Sunday:
Christmas ornaments went on the Christmas tree, which took all morning, since it is a 7-foot tree and we have a 20-month old who wants to help, so..... And Erika had to climb back up on the roof to take some measurements with Brian so we can calculate how many feet of outdoor lighting we need to purchase to decorate our home. I ended up getting some sort of allergic reaction where my airway started to close up and I was having chest pains, right after I emptied out the vacuum cleaner canister in the trash (mix of pine needles, dust, dog hair.... my worst allergens!) so I took 1/2 a dose of Benadryl and passed out on the couch. We had turkey soup for lunch, then a 2-hour playdate for Erika, then more drawings and artwork and Erika wrote a book about all the things she loves, and then it was bedtime, and then I had to send my sister home. :(

Back in August 2008, I was still living that married but childfree couple life, and on a whim, my sister and I decided to go for a 4-day getaway to Connecticut. We packed some clothes and swimsuits, hopped in my car, and I drove the two hours north to Branford, CT. We kayaked around islands, lay on the beach and worked on our tans, we pulled out a map and drove to all the nearest parks and hiked for hours through the woods until we were sweaty and bruised and covered in dirt, and we ate icecream for lunch (and dinner), went shopping at outlet stores, and stayed up late watching TV and eating popcorn in bed and laughing about life. I remember those 4 days being just so blissfully happy, in the way that two people who have known each other for 28 years can be together. I realized that it had been far too long-- since I was 22 years old and we were both attending the same college-- that we had spent some considerable amount of time together, and I missed her.

Since then, with kids in tow, there have been two separate times when my sister and I are both in Malaysia for the summer for overlapping vacations for two weeks or so. But I don't think of my time in Malaysia as a vacation. Do you consider returning to your parents' home a vacation? I just think of it as going home.

So earlier this year, I said to my sister: "do you remember that vacation we did to Connecticut? Remember what fun we had? Why haven't we done that again?" and my sister pointedly but silently looked at my two children. *sigh* But I was determined! So I looked at my school calendar and there was a 3-day weekend in mid-September for Rosh Hashanah, so we booked a last minute vacation at Wildwood, NJ, about two hours south of where we live.

We packed some clothes and swimsuits, hopped in my car, and I drove the two hours south to Wildwood, NJ. This time, we brought someone with us-- 5-year old Erika! She was so excited she could barely sleep the night before. We kissed Amelia and Brian goodbye, and off we went for our girls getaway weekend. We went to the zoo, and the nature center, and we built sandcastles on the beach. We hiked some nature trails at Cape May Point State Park until we were sweaty and tired and covered in sand. We went window shopping in Stone Harbor. We ate icecream after dinner and went to the boardwalk and rode the carousel (merry-go-round), and a huge ferris wheel in the wind which gave me knots in my tummy but I was with my girl Erika who laughed and laughed with the wind in her hair and she kept saying "Mommy, look how beautiful the world looks!" as we looked down at the Atlantic Ocean and the beach, and heard the sounds of happy children on roller coasters. I realized waiting 7 years to do this again was far too long.

Delayed December 31: Best moment of the month (zhelana)

When we arrived at the cemetary and had the ceremonial rites, we were each given a flower (a red rose, her favorite) and a handful of dirt, to say our final goodbye. As I went forward and knelt by her grave, I started sobbing.

Hard, painful, heart-wrenching, soul-breaking tears that shook me. I buried my face in my hands, kneeling on the ground, and cried.

Then I felt a small hand-- like that of an angel-- on my back. And then small arms-- the arms of my 4-year old daughter Erika, I realized--- reaching around to hold me, as I wept the loss of my mother. She didn't offer any trivial words, she didn't say it was going to be okay, she just held me and refused to let go.

My mom's in the hospital due to a fall on Saturday.

My dad, who is notorious for being succinct, wrote to the effect: "Mom has fractured her pelvis and is in hospital as of Saturday afternoon. She fell off a shuttle bus and was taken by ambulance to the hospital. She is recuperating and I will visit her later. Dad."

I was working on Saturday from 9 AM to 4 PM EST (12 hours behind Malaysia-time) so I was clueless. My sister in a frenzied panic finally called me on my phone with a "WHERE ARE YOU!?" which always indicates to the receiver of such a call that something is not right. It's the daytime equivalent of the 3 AM phone call. She filled me in on the details, and then I called my mom.

My mom's more lengthy story involved a shuttle bus that is really a large minivan. It was raining and she was holding an umbrella in one hand as she boarded the bus. She reached to grab the seat to pull herself up, but the seat moved, and she lost her balance and tumbled backwards, landing on the road. Passengers quickly rushed off the bus to assist her, and she initially requested a taxi to take her to the bank (her destination), but passengers indicated there were no taxis in the area (or did not frequent the road they were on). The passengers suggested she go to a doctor to get checked out, just in case, given her age (63 years old). She acquiesced and the shuttle van drove two blocks over and dropped her off at the doctor's office. She was having difficulties moving, so the passengers carried her off the van and into the doctor's office. The doctor's examination indicated she was OK, but for insurance/liability purposes, the doctor suggested she go to the hospital to get X-rays, as his office did not have the capabilities to do so. The doctor suggested calling a taxi, but my mom has great insurance coverage and she said "let's go by ambulance!" and so an ambulance was called. She has broken a non-weight bearing bone in her groin and will need the assistance of a 4-leg walker for the next month while she undergoes physical therapy and recovery.

Now my mother had plans to come stay with us in the USA from March through September, to help with the early care of Baby #2, and to spend some time with her daughters/granddaughters. My dad is now vehement that she is not healthy enough to make this arduous journey. Mind you, my dad hates flying, though ironically as a diplomat, he flew for work all the time. In the past 15 years I've lived in the USA, my dad has flown once to the USA, for a span of 12 days to attend my wedding. Oh yes, that's the kind of man he is. So my dad is now also pointing out my mom has diabetes and high blood pressure which needs to be monitored, she is old and frail, she is not capable of this kind of stressful travel, etc.

My mom, on the other hand, is waving this off with a "pooh pooh" and a "I'm FINE". This was followed by a lot of "it was a genuine accident and nothing related to my age or my health condition! Anybody could've slipped off a bus!" And a: "if I'm not healthy enough to see my daughters/granddaughters, then what is the point of living" type statements.

Classic case of three sides of a story: my mom's, my dad's, and the truth, which I suspect is somewhere in the middle.

• Travel to Singapore by bus (PoPo, Brian, Erika, and I) for 3D/2N - August 14 - 16, 2013


• Visit S.E.A.S. Aquarium at Sentosa Resort Island


• Celebrate Popo's 63rd birthday


• Travel to Penang by car (PoPo, GongGong, Brian, Erika, and I) for 3D/2N - August 18 - 20, 2013


• Erika likes satay


• Meet up in Penang with Aunt Pat, Aunt Dot, TaiKauFoo, TaiKauMoh, and Tsun Tsun at Cititel Hotel Penang

• Holiday vacation to Pangkor Island Beach Resort (drive south by car, then take ferry from Lumut) for 4D/3N - August 20 - 23, 2013


• Hornbills and monkeys abound at resort


• Erika tries to spend every waking moment at the beach


• Saturday August 24 - PoPo is admitted to Subang Medical for minor cardiac failure, intensive swelling in her body, 10kg over her normal weight, lowered breathing ability


• Fly off Tuesday August 27, 2013 from KUL to JFK, pick up by Gerry

• Bicycling at Hartshorne Woods


• Going to Dorbrook Water Park


• Longstreet Historic Farm


• Brian drives a Lamborghini for Father's Day present


• Erika writes her name in chalk


• We fly off from JFK to KUL, Malaysia on Monday July 22, 2013 (stopovers in Frankfurt and Singapore)

• Gardening with Gong Gong in BU, Malaysia


• Going to the "Government Club" for swimming


• Erika watches Hakka soap opera shows on the TV

• Erika was sick on Tuesday with a mild fever and lack of appetite, so on Wednesday she stayed curled up on the pull-out futon in the living room watching TV all day.


• Friday we took off for Florida first thing in the morning, and within hours of landing, jumped into the 70-degree resort pool. The locals thought it was too cold. We simply missed being in the water. Erika pretended to be an alligator, skimming at the surface of the water. She kicked and splashed a lot too to "scare the sharks".


• We went to the Morikami Japanese Gardens which was so serene and beautiful.


• We attended Uncle Tom's memorial service (my MIL's older brother), which was the true purpose of our trip. It was good to see extended family and they were all so thrilled to see Erika.


• Visited Delray Beach and Boca Raton beach. Took some sand back in an empty plastic water bottle and was stopped at security and that was that they removed! I was so scared but they said it was flagged because of the density/appearance, and not because of sand, which is perfectly OK to transport across state borders (illegal internationally, though, as you can transport critters in the sand causing serious invasive species havoc if released...)