old emails, and question to ask y'all
Apr. 10th, 2002 07:06 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
alikiBoy and I began our relationship on a rocky start. I had just gotten rid of an overstayed rude houseguest, his ex still thought they were dating, but we really liked each other. A month later, an infatuated British boy from London flew to New York to see me, and his ex broke down hysterically in my room, threatening to slit her throat. Then my houseguest ends up moving in with his ex, while the British boy and his ex exchange horror stories about me. Twisted enough?
I don't know if anything could've been different about our start. If I had been firm about when the guest could stay till (he overstayed by a horrifying 3 weeks), if he had been frank with his ex, would things be different? As for the infatuated British boy, it was concluded that I had mislead him, flirted with him online to the point that he believed I was in love with him, and in an argument once, Boy looked at me and said: "I've read the emails you sent him. [My ex] sent them to me." And I shut up, and thought to myself, "Oh my God, I'm a horrible person. I mislead someone to fly from London to NYC to visit me, and then called him a stalker and abandoned him to visit Boy." But you know what?
Below is an exerpt of an email I received after everything had exploded, with parts of what I wrote included in his reply indicated by the ">":
>i'm not comfortable with the way things are going. when you first said you could come
>to nyc, i was happy beyond belief, but i thought i made it clear that i do have exams next
>week, i am seeing [Boy], and that we were meeting under the contexts that we were to be
>friends. Friends that were trying to build a strong basis for our friendship shoudl [sic]
>i ever decide to go to the UK.
This is true, and I never implied otherwise. In fact I sent you email saying that I understood that you had to do work and that I did not want you to fail your exams. However, you did not exactly say "I am seeing [Boy]" - you said "I am inclined to start a relationship with [Boy]".
He had known that we were seeing each other every weekend, but Boy and I weren't sure if we were ready to be serious. In my recollection, I actually said: "I'm going to start a relationship with [Boy]", i.e. we were getting more serious than just seeing each other every weekend. And in all aspects, I think our email exchange made it VERY clear what was going on-- it was a FRIENDSHIP, nothing more.
I don't know if Boy saw that email or some stupid email that the infatuated British boy made up, sent to his crazy ex, and his crazy ex forwarded to him, I dont know, but what I do know is that before he booked his stupid flight from London to NYC, he knew VERY clearly what my intentions were. Right?
~~~~~~~~~
need your opinion on this, i'm torn--
i'm getting a pet when i get my own apartment in september, and i dont' know if i should get a cat, or a dog.
during the academic year, i will be in class half days, and during summers, i will be working 9-5pm. i travel often. i'll be in a small 1BR in a semi-big city during the academic year, and a rural sleepy summer town during summers. i want to take my pet, dog or cat, on frequent walks. i want an affectionate pet to sit on my lap, and sleep in my bed. growing up, i've always had dogs and never owned a cat. if i get a dog, it'll definitely be a medium-sized dog (i.e. not a big lab/dalmation/husky/German sherpherd, nor a small chihuahua/terrier/shit-tzu/lap dog).
so-- i dont know if i have the time to get a dog, but if i do, i'll definitely put in the time. i want an affectionate loving pet, and i dont know if a cat will be very sociable. i'd like to go on walks, take my pet outside, bring it travelling, and i dont know how feasible that would be with a cat (though i could scratch that, and keep kitty at home). so what do you think?
I don't know if anything could've been different about our start. If I had been firm about when the guest could stay till (he overstayed by a horrifying 3 weeks), if he had been frank with his ex, would things be different? As for the infatuated British boy, it was concluded that I had mislead him, flirted with him online to the point that he believed I was in love with him, and in an argument once, Boy looked at me and said: "I've read the emails you sent him. [My ex] sent them to me." And I shut up, and thought to myself, "Oh my God, I'm a horrible person. I mislead someone to fly from London to NYC to visit me, and then called him a stalker and abandoned him to visit Boy." But you know what?
Below is an exerpt of an email I received after everything had exploded, with parts of what I wrote included in his reply indicated by the ">":
>i'm not comfortable with the way things are going. when you first said you could come
>to nyc, i was happy beyond belief, but i thought i made it clear that i do have exams next
>week, i am seeing [Boy], and that we were meeting under the contexts that we were to be
>friends. Friends that were trying to build a strong basis for our friendship shoudl [sic]
>i ever decide to go to the UK.
This is true, and I never implied otherwise. In fact I sent you email saying that I understood that you had to do work and that I did not want you to fail your exams. However, you did not exactly say "I am seeing [Boy]" - you said "I am inclined to start a relationship with [Boy]".
He had known that we were seeing each other every weekend, but Boy and I weren't sure if we were ready to be serious. In my recollection, I actually said: "I'm going to start a relationship with [Boy]", i.e. we were getting more serious than just seeing each other every weekend. And in all aspects, I think our email exchange made it VERY clear what was going on-- it was a FRIENDSHIP, nothing more.
I don't know if Boy saw that email or some stupid email that the infatuated British boy made up, sent to his crazy ex, and his crazy ex forwarded to him, I dont know, but what I do know is that before he booked his stupid flight from London to NYC, he knew VERY clearly what my intentions were. Right?
~~~~~~~~~
need your opinion on this, i'm torn--
i'm getting a pet when i get my own apartment in september, and i dont' know if i should get a cat, or a dog.
during the academic year, i will be in class half days, and during summers, i will be working 9-5pm. i travel often. i'll be in a small 1BR in a semi-big city during the academic year, and a rural sleepy summer town during summers. i want to take my pet, dog or cat, on frequent walks. i want an affectionate pet to sit on my lap, and sleep in my bed. growing up, i've always had dogs and never owned a cat. if i get a dog, it'll definitely be a medium-sized dog (i.e. not a big lab/dalmation/husky/German sherpherd, nor a small chihuahua/terrier/shit-tzu/lap dog).
so-- i dont know if i have the time to get a dog, but if i do, i'll definitely put in the time. i want an affectionate loving pet, and i dont know if a cat will be very sociable. i'd like to go on walks, take my pet outside, bring it travelling, and i dont know how feasible that would be with a cat (though i could scratch that, and keep kitty at home). so what do you think?
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no subject
Date: 2002-04-11 07:10 am (UTC)Re: kitties
Date: 2002-04-11 03:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-04-10 06:20 pm (UTC)I know, a lot of people love kitties, I just have to voice my totally-biased-for-random-reasons opinion. just think of the alternative... puppies! aaaaawwwwwweeeee....
Oh, and I'd hope Boy doesn't take e-mails too seriously that happened at the very beginning of your relationship. Lots of times these things get off to weird starts, hell, dave and I don't even talk about how we got together it was so awful. Tell all involved parties to get in the now.
no subject
Date: 2002-04-10 11:48 pm (UTC)Hrm, I don't understand all of this, "his ex" I assume is "Boy's ex", but may also be rude houseguest's ex (or a different ex) or British Boy's ex (but that wouldn't make sense at all). Anyhow, I think I see the picture.
As for the emails, did Boy show you them to verify they were geniuine? If you trust each other, this won't be a legitimate problem for you and Boy (British Boy liked you more than the other way around, and you've expressed such later in this entry).
As far as British Boy not thinking you were seeing Boy, it gets murky, especially when infatuation/love/etc. are involved. British Boy may have completely and totally ignored any reference to you seeing/having/starting a relationship with Boy (I've been guilty of this). You may not have expressed your feelings towards Boy and your lack of those feelings towards British Boy clearly.
However, it seems clear that British Boy did not know what your intentions were, though not through lack of trying on your part. British Boy puts it best with this: you did not exactly say "I am seeing [Boy]" - you said "I am inclined to start a relationship with [Boy]". Seeing this statement, British Boy should have known you thinking about having a serious relationship with Boy, which means you were more interested in Boy than in British Boy. It is British Boy's fault for getting his hopes up, and it speaks well for your character that you felt bad about the possibility of harming his feelings.
There was nothing wrong with abandoning British Boy to visit Boy. You shouldn't ever have to be where you are uncomfortable, regardless of obligation. You did not mislead British Boy into flying to see you, he misled himself. To call him a stalker is an honest expression of your feelings. If British Boy was really your friend, you wouldn't have had to call him a stalker would you?
Oh, and I don't like animals with hair indoors.
no subject
Date: 2002-04-11 07:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-04-12 01:07 pm (UTC)but if i were you, I think having a cat would be the best way to go. They require less of your time, and are still soooooo sweet and cute. Ooooh, get a kitten. They are just so huggable. I can't get enough of my friend's kitten. She's so cute... you sit on the couch, and she'll just come up to your lap and sleep... soooooo sweet!
boys
Date: 2002-04-12 01:13 pm (UTC)Flirting is dangerous. Boys are all too willing to believe...
no subject
Date: 2002-04-14 01:25 pm (UTC)You know how I feel about my kitties. I love them! Cats can be extremely affectionate, especially if you get them as kittens and give them tons of love. They're also super-easy to take care of once they're grown, and kittens are easier to care for than puppies. Of course, with dogs, it's almost guaranteed that they'll be affectionate--you know, almost--and they usually like to be walked. I've never seen anyone walk a cat, but I've heard of it. I suppose it does increase the number of dogs you'll run into who will growl at and possibly go for your animal. You know, many people's dogs don't like other dogs, but even more of them don't like cats. Provided everyone's leashed, it's no big deal. Cats are also generally cheaper. Cat health care is way cheaper, and of course a cat will eat less food than a medium-sized dog. But, dogs are dogs, cats are cats, and people like what they like.
Maybe you should get one of each for the best of both worlds... I plan to get a dog as soon as I'm living somewhere where I can have one.