the kindness of online friends

lilacsmack made me cry the other night. In a good way.

I will elaborate and add to this post with photos later because I'm too excited right now.


Update:
So if you're on my TTC-filter, you'll know that I've been in quite a funk lately. As evidence, I confess that since the last day of school on Tuesday, aside from walking the dog (because that'd just be cruel), I hadn't left the house. On Wednesday and Thursday, I woke up, took a shower, then sat lethargically on the couch, munching on chips and sweets. I was in such a funk I didn't even bother to change the channel when MTV's "Childhood celebs: Where are they now?" came on. Reaching for the remote seemed-- too much.

Last night, Brian brought the mail up from downstairs, and there was a package for me from Ksenia (lilacsmack). I tore open the outer packaging, and found this:


A clock? I was very puzzled. The package was the right size for a desk clock, but I was thoroughly perplexed as to her intent. Was she implying I needed to wake up earlier? Do something? Keep time? Make appointments?

The contents were further packaged in an inner envelope, so I ripped that open, and this spilled out:


WHAT?!? WHAT WHAT WHAT!? I had to blink and stare at it for quite a few moments, before I looked up at a very confused Brian, and when I opened my mouth to speak, I started to cry.

The feeling was so overwhelming-- the feeling of being heard, of being loved, of being thought of. These months years have been getting harder because somehwere along the line, I lost track of taking time to make myself happy. It made me think about what I'd do for one of you (my LJ friends), and what you are willing to do for me.

What do you think compels someone to send an iPod Nano to someone they've never met in person? What are these invisible bonds we make over the internet? There are stories we share, and shoulders we lean on, and ideas we bounce off one another, and hugs we extend. And somehow, through this social network and the internet, we make friends-- we connect, we understand, we bond.

The kindness of online friends. That was all I kept thinking of, holding the small package in one hand, frantically wiping my eyes with the other. I finally had to put it down because I needed to get tissue for the snot running out of my nose. It just felt so good to be heard.

I've never owned an MP3 player before. So there are a couple of things I needed to figure out.Like this iTunes thing on my Mac. How does it work again and why didn't I pay more attention when the technician was explaining it to me in the workgroup seminar? (And yes, looking at the photo now, my desktop photo is of a barracuda I photographed while SCUBA diving in the Bahamas).


I was so giddy to turn it on this morning. (It needed to charge for 3 hours, and the night before I was so exhausted from being exhausted at life...) There were other things I needed to figure out, like how do you turn the dial? And how do you go back to the main menu? How do you adjust the backlight? Oh, and the obvious question which I had NO IDEA about... how do you turn this thing off? Is there an off or does it just go to black?

I felt like a little kid playing with a brand new toy! And I feel so idiotic for never having handled an MP3 player before! I'm so stuck in the 90's, I kept thinking to myself! Once I started fiddling with it, my OCD noticed that my iPod does something very annoying. See below:


Damn it, the iPod isn't smart enough to figure out the typos in MP3 "identifiers". (What are those things even called? See, I have no idea what the encrypted name is called). It's spelt "Erykah Badu", I wanted to tell my iPod, but I didn't know how. So I took a photo of it and figured I'd look online later to solve that problem. It gave me purpose to my morning!

I told Brian I needed to take a picture of my shocked expression when I opened the package, but then all the crying started and got in the way. It must've looked something like this:


Yeah, that's my staged "WHAT?" look. There was definitely more tears the night before. Also, my expression should've been more a "whu? whua?" coming out of my mouth than a "AAAAAHHHH!!" because this looks too much like excitement. Obviously, acting is not in my future.

Ksenia, thanks for getting me to get out of my house after 2 days. And thanks for making me smile. And thanks for making me feel loved. I owe you SO much Nutella after this.